Broken Inside

Here we go, a poetic update (if you want to call it that.....)
Well, enjoy and see you all again next time!

Forgotten again
the assignments given
another zero
to add to my falling grade.

A test today
I managed to study last night
but in vain
I failed the test
information was never absorbed.

Formulas to memorize
but I cannot recall
what the functions I need are
and I guess the answer to the problem
knowing that I might as well have left it blank.

Voices all around me
lecturing about the numbers on the paper
I am not meeting their expectations
and they are angry
that I cannot manage to know what I have been taught
they cannot understand why I fail.

Voices all around me
wishing for me to be what I have not become
they wish for me to acheive
what I think I shall never be able to accomplish
to go where I can learn more
yet I do not believe I will ever make it there.

I tried to learn
yet even so I fell behind again
and my mind once more
rejected that which it fails to understand
and once more
I fail
and I wish for an escape from this reality.

One spirit ties me down
and I cannot bear to loose that
which holds me together.

My fragmented self
torn apart by my depression
the abuse I give to my mind
as I scold myself for my failure
yet it never changes
my stubborn mind refuses to budge
from where it is set.

Tears unseen
and tears that flow freely
my mind wishes to shatter
and end its torturous existance.

However I cannot let that happen
I must remain as one
for that one spirit that I now live for
who holds my heart
so I must stay strong.

Voices all around me
drag me down into the darkness of my heart
and once more I drift in the night
my soul aching to reveal itself
yet my talents are not welcome
so they stay hidden inside me
sealed away from the world
where they cannot grow.

WAR ~ FREE VERSE

A rain of bullets pounding the ground
the lightning and thunder of a bomb
tornadoes of yellow and green color
a war pursues

Can't wait to see them
my family I wish to embrace
this war I fight
goes on and on
and all I think about
are my loved ones far away

The bomber pilots swooping down
tanks clearing the way
foot soldiers taking hostages
we are all prisoners of this war

In the camp, we hear the plane
too late its dropped its load
so now these tears I cry
are for the ones I'll never see
in this one moment
I cry for what I have lost